Monday, December 29, 2008

Beta 2 and 3

Beta 2 - 15 dp5dt 749
Beta 3 - 21dp5dt 6,863

My progesterone went from 57 the first beta to 97 the second and back down to 64 by the 3rd. Apparently it varies and that is OK. I had a panic attack b/c my breasts stopped hurting as bad as they were last week but now I know why! Any one searching for that like I did incessantly over the last three days should try not to worry. Since that is all I've done for 3 days don't take my word for it but my doctor and nurses all said that it happens and that they answer that question at least once a week! My estrogen started off at 216 and then went to 501 and its now at 620. This morning was our first ultrasound and we have one little bean in there! I'm sad for the other embryo that didn't make it but twins is quite overwhelming!! I'm just praying that I will be thankful for the miracle God has given me - I feel so guilty for worrying but I just love this baby so much and I can't imagine losing it and that fear overtakes me. I'm going to work on that over the next week! Next Monday is the ultrasound that should see the heartbeat. I will be six weeks by then.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Will I ever be satisfied!!

So I've been having some cramping and everyone that has been through an IVF pregnancy assured me its normal well now it stopped and I'm equally as worried. It really is impossible to please me. Found this sweet prayer and wanted to share it

Prayer for a Safe Pregnancy
This life you have given us is so tiny, fragile, and vulnerable, safe in the womb of flesh and hope, yet subject to danger and death. O God of love, Creator of life, hear our prayer.We want this baby so much. Please grant this child of ours a full term of nurture, the joy and mystery of life, and the blessing of Your love. Grant us the fulfillment of our dreams, a baby to cherish and protect, a child to teach and guide, a blessing to our family. Amen.

My second beta is Tuesday and I'm nervous but I get to meet Robin that day as well so hopefully she'll keep me sane until I get the call! Say prayers for appropriately doubling numbers!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Positive!

Beta was 86.7 - I am pregnant. God is the God of miracles and we are praising Him for that!

Monday, December 15, 2008

Going insane

How can anyone get through this waiting without turning into a crazy woman?? Not to mention the progesterone that I'm pumping into my body. Seriously this could be torture but at the same time I feel guilty for not enjoying it - this is the first time EVER that I could actually be pregnant and I'm totally giving up. I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst instead of enjoying the present. God tells us not to worry about tomorrow for today has enough troubles of its own but I'm already planning our next steps. Its really just sick and I'm ashamed but I can't stop myself. A friend at church told me that I am just inviting satan to a party in my head. I've asked him to leave but he keeps coming back. I cried all through a baby dedication in church on Sunday - embarrassingly crying. I want to find symptoms even though I know anything I feel is all progesterone related and its driving me crazy. I cramped off and on pretty bad on Friday and then just slightly on Saturday and Sunday morning and then it stopped. Is that good or bad?? No one knows but God . . . why can't I just quit obsessing and leave the outcome up to Him. I know He already knows and whatever His answer is is right. I want what He wants but at the same time I want Him to want me to be pregnant. He hasn't given any one of us any promises of a child. He promised Abraham a child not me so I can't even go on that. I will only get pregnant if its in His plan. How can my brain know all of this and my heart just can't seem to listen. I'm still obsessively "spot checking" every time I go to the bathroom and I'm so bloated and my coworker even told me my boobs look bigger - again - all progesterone? Maybe? Who knows . . . GOD DOES! I NEED TO GIVE IT UP TO HIM! Ya'll help me pray to give this over to the Creator of Life. I'm so exhausted. Beta is on Wednesday. I can make it and life will go on if its negative.

1 John 3:19-21 (New International Version)
19This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence 20whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.

Friday, December 12, 2008

4dp5dt

Cramping - surely this is too early for period cramps - could it be the embitwins moving around in there trying to find a home? Surely not? I seriously wish someone would sedate me! Pray the babies are growing sticky feet!

Monday, December 8, 2008

Woo Hoo

Two blastocysts transferred - Praise God!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Transfer tomorrow if we don't fall in that 1%

According to the embryologist we have a good quality morula - they don't grade morulas - and a 12-14 cell embryo trying to become a morula. She is hopeful that the better performing one will be a blastocyst by tomorrow. She said - even knowing our history, that we had a 99% chance of a transfer tomorrow b/c even if it doesn't become a blastocyst, as long as it hasn't arrested, they will transfer a good quality morula. I pray that the morula becomes a blastocyst and the 12-14 cell becomes a morula and we have two to transfer. Keep praying. I am so thankful that God has gotten us this far. He has those two babies in His hands. Our embryologist has been talking to them for us! I am so happy with my doctor's office. Now please Lord let us make it to transfer tomorrow.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Still 2

Both are dividing - one is 8 cell and one is 6 cell - one step further than we made it last time. Praise God. They don't normally look on day 4 but she said she would peak in on our babies and call in the morning. Both are graded good but not perfect. Keep praying friends . . . God has these babies in His hands. I keep picturing these comfortable majestic hands holding these two embryos. As any of you who have been through this waiting, I am on pins and needles. Thank you for your prayers.

Friday, December 5, 2008

2

From 13 eggs to 10 mature to only 2 that fertilized. It is not what we wanted to hear but those two are still growing and are graded a two out of 5 with one being the best. We praise our gracious and merciful God for giving us these two embryos. Please pray with us that these two make it to transfer so we can at least have one decent chance at pregnancy. God is the God of miracles and He can make anything happen. "For nothing is impossible with God." Luke 1:37

I want this chance so bad and God knows that. My heart hurts for this.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Lucky 13

We had 13 eggs retrieved. I will find out how many were mature and how many fertilized in the morning and I can't wait! Dr. H was even excited - I feel sorry for her b/c when she came out and told my husband that we had 12 (the embryologist found one more after she left) he probably knocked her down giving her a big hug - I'm guessing that caught her a bit off guard! Wish I could have seen it! And for those that haven't read before my husband is 6'5" and about 350 pounds so a bear hug from him is something to notice!!

I am so thankful that we have made it this far in this calm of a manner - God certainly has a plan for our lives and I am so thankful for everything He has given us so far. I pray for a good report tomorrow but if not I will Praise Him anyway. Thanks for every ones prayers and comments! Y'all are wonderful!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Its on like Donkey Kong!

Wednesday morning at 8:30! E2 level was 1675 and I learned today that if you are taking cetrotide that it makes your estrogen level less than it actually is. For those keeping track - this is double what it was our last IVF on trigger day. Please pray that I can stay calm and focused until then!

Oh and I called and requested that even if Dr. H isn't the doctor on call that day that she be the one to do the procedure. I hope that isn't wrong but she just makes me feel warm and fuzzy and I love it when she calls me "baby girl". Is it wrong to pray that she will be the doctor doing it - of course if that is God's will and all. If she'll just come visit me, she doesn't really have to be the doctor doing it. Maybe I should request that!!

Praise God

This morning went well. I have 19 measurable follicles, 9 that are over 1.5 with a triple layered lining at a .99 just waiting for something to implant in it! All I know to do is be thankful for today and not look at tomorrow. I am thankful that God has allowed this growth both my follicles and my relationship with Him. I may still not even make it to transfer but I know if I don't I'll be OK b/c God is walking with me through it.

The nurse will call this afternoon with my estrogen level and what the doctor says but as of right now retrieval is set for Wednesday.

Glory to God in the Highest!!!