Thursday, February 21, 2008

Finally an answer from the nurse . . .

I heard from another nurse yesterday afternoon - while I had a client in my office. Luckily the nurse called my cell phone so I just had to excuse myself and then go to the copy room to take the call. The client is a CRNA so he is well versed in medical stuff. When I came back I told him that it was the fertility doctor's office and you have to take those calls when you can get them and he understood and said "thats cheap". Yeah - that's yet another unfair part of all of this not only is it emotionally draining but its extremely expensive! At least I didn't feel bad about running out of the office on him. He kept asking questions about it so at least he wasn't mad or anything. He's a friend of a friend so that helped too.

Anyway . . . the nurse said that when he takes all the Teslac that he can get which was only a 25 day supply . . . to call and they will call him in a prescription for either Arimidex or Letrozole. There seems to be more studies done on Teslac than these two. I of course searched Google til my eyes crossed trying to find success stories from it and it was nearly impossible. I was looking at another blog this morning and noticed that her husband was also taking Arimidex and she had just undergone her egg retrieval and transfer so obviously it did not work for IUI but I'm ok with IVF if we make it there. So I guess all is good. We'll take this until the three months is up in April/May and the nurse said that if we don't have enough sperm for an IUI they will probably do it anyway since its an unmedicated cycle for me. The next dealings I'll have with them will probably be my HSG in late March. I keep forgetting to ask what days Dr. H does her HSG's on b/c she is supposed to not hurt. I'm all for not hurting. Hopefully it will coincide with needing the new medicine and we can pick it up while we are there from the good pharmacy there that actually carries fertility drugs - unlike any in our town.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Plans . . . and life

Plans fail and I should learn to accept that because I am aware that my plans mean nothing if they don't coincide with Gods plans. We still haven't heard back from Dr. H. He did his bloodwork - on Valentine's Day - what a trooper. He had a date with a cup yesterday morning. I talked to nurse friendly pants again today and got the results. Count went down, motility and morphology went up. Estrogen went down which means the illusive medicine is actually doing its job. Nurse Friendly did at least say that sperm have a 3 month maturation cycle so not to worry yet and that Dr. H had been out of the office and wouldn't be back until tomorrow so I hope to hear from her then. I think we have at least one more month of medicine but we'll wait and see if she wants to switch or what. I'm very disappointed in the count. I guess deep down I was hoping for a miracle and we'd have plenty after a month instead of just barely enough for even a chance at an IUI. I really want to have another SA before we just show up for our IUI in May b/c if we don't even have enough to try I'm going to be very devastated. But back to my first comment . . . God knows the plans he has for us and I have to let those plans play out. He knows best. "Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version) For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I can hope because He wants me to hope and he wants me to have a future. I just don't see a future without children. I hope they are our biological children but if God has other plans . . . I have to remember that He alone is in control and I am not. That is the hardest lesson I have had to learn and am still learning in the past 16 months. I seem to have gotten over my patience problem and even though I didn't think I was a material person I do feel like I don't put as much emphasis on material things. I guess that's what trying to save $15,000 for IVF will do for you. There just doesn't seem to be anything out there worth spending money on right now. That was a nice therapy session. Thanks for reading. Lauren . . . if you are reading . . . Good Luck . . . I know the 2ww is almost up. Hang in there.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Frustration

I waited on that call all day yesterday and by 5 I figured they had gone home for the day so I quit worrying about it. I took my puppy dog outside and came back in and found I had a message. I was so frustrated. Then nurse Susan said she would be off today but I could talk to another nurse. I called to try to figure out what exactly my message meant and left a message for the nurse. Another nurse who I had to explain everything to again called me back and now I'm waiting for some pharmaceutical company in the big city to call me back to see if they can even get the drug. So now I guess I should be excited about this part ... we get to see if the drug has worked over the last month. Another SA and more blood work for my needle shy husband. Lets just say he's less than thrilled about the needle. But we'll at least get to see if its started to work. The full effects - if we can get enough medicine - won't show until he's taken it for 3 months but Dr. H wants to see if she can see any sign of improvement. I suppose once she sees that we'll go from there. Although not as friendly nurse today said that even if no improvement was shown that doesn't necessarily mean we would discontinue the medicine. But if we have no medicine what do we do?? She couldn't tell me that. I looked up online and saw that Arimidex seems to be the same medicine so maybe we just take that. Who knows. I'm feel like we take one step forward and 2 steps back.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Stupid medicine . . .

Pharmacist told DH that the medicine was discontinued. Called the doctor on Thursday and left a message on the message system. Friday I got a call that said she would have to discuss it with Dr. H and I would hear from her on Monday . . . well I didn't get a call and if you call them before 2 they are supposed to return your call that day so I called back. I'm probably bugging the crap out of them but . . . its 4:21 and still no return call. I really have to potty but I'm scared to leave the phone and miss the call. So we'll see what happens . . . the never ending saga of my attempt to reproduce. I think it is a reminder that God is in control and I have absolutely none. I have to trust in Him and let him handle this.

Monday, February 4, 2008

Just spicing up the blog a bit . . .

Hope you like it.

Good news . . . at least a little. The DAZ test came back negative - in that there is nothing wrong with any chromosomes so the medicine has a decent chance of working. We will take as much good news as they can give at this point.

I'm really struggling with God's purpose in this infertility challenge that He has put us up against. I know there is a purpose and chances are we'll never know what that purpose is. I do know that when and if we do have a child, I will appreciate him or her. I see out in public and even at church parents who just seem like there children are really a big bother to them. I hope that this makes me never act like my children are a bother and I hope that I will realize that they are a blessing from God and a gift. I really want to stop some of these parents and shake them and tell them to bend down and listen to your little boy - he wants to talk to you don't just push him away. And don't talk about how whiny your twins are - at least you have them. They are 2 - they want their passy - give it to them. They are just babies - if they are still whining for a passy when they are going to kindergarten come back to me and I'll allow you to complain. And don't even get me started on my bunko group. Their main goal in life is to see how much time away from their kids that they can manage. I'm sure I exaggerate since I am in a heightened emotional state when it comes to this subject but . . . its out there. Ok - must get back to work.