Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Nothing new . . .

We are still just waiting. That first bottle of Fertility Blend went really fast taking 4 a day. On to bottle number 2. We are a week away from needing the other medicine that we had such a hard time finding in the first place. I would really like to see if there is any difference in a SA after a month but Dr. H said to wait 3 months so we'll see. Its not the end of the world if it doesn't help. Right? I mean that is what I keep telling myself! There is always IVF with ICSI. Well better get back to the world of tax. I hope my one reader is having a good day!

Friday, January 25, 2008

To clarify

I got a comment that was questioning why they are doing the IUI when almost no functional sperm. That would be only what the incompassionate nurse at my former OBGYN said. When we went to the urologist millions more were found making it not nearly as bad as the nurse friend had said. 3 more SA's after that have assured me that most likely the first one was not kept warm and secondly that the lab was not set up to do SA's as well as a lab meant for infertility testing. The other 3 were done at 2 different IVF clinics - one at the urologists office building in a RE's lab and the other at our RE's office. Still not a guarantee for IUI but still enough for her to make a valiant effort. Thanks for my one reader's comment though!

Saturday, January 12, 2008

The Appointment

Our appointment with the RE was this week. It went great - I feel like our doctor genuinely wants to get us pregnant! We have a three month plan which is great - we feel like we are doing something now. Medicine for him and an IUI. HOpefully it will be around the first of May. For those of you doing a search on the number of sperm needed for an IUI our Dr. said they wanted 2million motile sperm. However if they can't get that in one "collection" that it is possible to do it in 2 as long as your rebound time is within 45 minutes. She is hoping that with the medicine - which is impossible to find by the way. It is used as a black market steroid and costs lots of money so just normal pharmacies don't carry it. We think our hospital pharmacy will be able to order it however Sam's Club said the same thing and came back the next day saying that it was backordered from the manufacturer. That was very disheartening to me. I'm still not going to be satisfied until this medicine is being injested! I hope it helps. The future is so uncertain and for a neurotic planner like me its a terrible feeling.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

One more thing

The blog Reproductive Jeans is the one that really led me to do this so I just wanted to say thanks!

The first post . . .

Well . . no one ever thinks that they will ever be here. And by here I mean doctors appointments, semen analysis, insurance companies . . . all just to make a baby. Many find it easy to make a baby and just as easy to dispose of it. Here in our state the news today was a man who threw his 4 children off of a hugely tall bridge into deep water. They ranged in age from 3 years to 4 months old. Why - is it wrong to ask God Why? Why can he have 4 when all I want is one that I would love with a love so abundant it would be enough for those 4 who obviously were not given enough.

When we started trying I wasn't gung ho about it all - I was still a big apprehensive. I knew I wanted a child one day and it was hard to believe that one day was getting here closer than I would have liked. Well after the first month when it didn't happen and I was disappointed I understood - Yes - I do want a baby and I really want one. Well month two goes by and nothing. Then my best friend announces that she is pregnant. I was happy for her of course and jealous. I wanted it to be me so I tried even harder . . . out come the OPK's well I ovulated the stick said so - we BD like crazy. Fertility friend said it was highly likely that this would be the month . . . and like clockwork out come the tampons. Ok so month 3 is gone so I do research . . . OK something has to be wrong but then the dreaded words come to my mind "RELAX" . . . . it will happen. So tax season comes and goes and if you work in this area you know that this is the only real "season" that matters so my worries fade b/c honestly I'm just way too busy to worry. Then April rolls around out come the OPKs again - we are serious. I begin to think of this as my job. By June at my yearly appointment I'm in tears something has to be wrong. Oh no says oh so smart doctor nothing is wrong it hasnt' been a year yet . .. you just need to relax. Oh my favorite word. Every infertile's favorite word. If it were that easy just think about how many kids there would be in this world. So I take her advice and say that I will wait a full year. That would have been 5 more months only I can't wait so by September I'm calling back again in tears . . . please let me see the doctor. So we get an appointment in late September and I'm thinking great we'll find something out. After waiting for 2 hours we see the doctor for maybe 5 minutes and she orders tests - you all know the routine. Semen analysis, HSG for me and a day 21 progesterone check. Ok so I'm thinking I can do this only I can't I break down again on the way home from the doctor - why me - why do I have to be at the doctors office trying to get pregnant. I know it could be a whole lot worse I could be at the oncologist office praying not to die. I'm aware of all that and at the time I don't know but it will get a whole lot worse so I pull myself together go back to work. Hubby and I figure out when the perfect time for the SA. The next week we were going to the oh so happy place at the beach for a conference and its going to be a lovely break so we decide to "collect" at home and take the sample to the lab. I had practiced the trip - from house to hospital it was only 15 minutes and we were supposed to have it there in under 30. NO PROBLEM. So we get that done and I'm expecting to hear some results that day I mean we had it at the hospital at 7:15 am. Surely it doesn't take that long. So I wait until we are almost there and call the gyno office. No we don't have the results it will be tomorrow. Ok so I calm down the sick feeling goes away and we do have some fun that night. Well the next morning hubby goes to class - I go shopping (my favorite hobby) and continue to wait for the call. All the while assuring myself there is nothing wrong. Hes a healthy strapping 6 foot 5 young man - he's about as manly as you can get hunting, golfing, hair everywhere, stinky, big. It can't be him. THat day passes and finally I get a call - it will be the next morning. Well that would make it Friday and they close at 12 on Friday so I get on the phone early that morning starting to get the ball rolling. YOu would think I was trying to find out the combination to the safe that the Hope diamond is in! So I finally get the call - Mrs. S your husband has almost no functional sperm. My world spins out of control at this point. Luckily hubby isn't with me b/c I cry like I've never cried before. Sobs out of a movie. So at this point I hate the beach never want to retun only want to ge the hell out of there. I text hubby and say bad news can we leave at your break. So he immediately comes to the room. We embrace what is going to be the hardest struggle of our lives up to this point.

So here we are after a trip to the urologist we find out its not as bad as the lovely incompassionate nurse made it out to be - - still bad but not the end of the world.

So anyway we have our first appointment with an actual RE tomorrow. Looking forward to it - I've heard great things about this place and I'm hoping it will live up to its reputation.

This was a marthon post but now you know my story. I have gained so much from reading the other infertility blogs out there and I just thought that it might benefit me emotionally to get it out sort of anonomously. But since its tax season again I can't imagine that I will have much time to post but so far its been very theraputic so I may just have to make time.